OUR WARS
A long time ago ...
couple weeks, I reckon
(shortly after Empire)
In a galaxy right down the block
Lived an emotionally immature genius brat, by the name of Anakin Skywalker
Always thinkin' 'bout
Padamay's fine ass self
and never accepting the fact
that when you're dead,
you're fucking dead
Kid, get over it!
But no
Prolly 19 years old
and this dude thinks
some stank-ass evil old man,
a godpoundin' politician
no less, is gonna save
his lady love from dying
when she spurts out
his blessed youngins
Eventually!
In this war of ours
We've got your
emotionally immature
Darth Vader
Henceforth to be known as
the Galactic Baby Slasher
on the right!
And a hi-tech, yet always
getting their ass kicked
Rebellion, with a few
broke ass struggling Jedi
on the left!
Now,
it's gonna be a good battle
cuz both sides know Kung-fu
So you gotta dig:
The real battle is
Galactic Baby Slasher
vs. The Rebellions poverty
You know it's gonna be
a damn good fight
cuz Obi-One and Luke
are all about whipping ass
and taking names later,
and so it is too
with that fucker Darth Vader
Now,
Baby Slasher's gotta lotta clout
what with being
the Emperor's bitch and all
Plus, he can stop lasers
with his hand,
so it's exceptionally difficult
to whip his ass
What the Rebellion's
got going for them
and they don't even know!
is that Obi-One
done learned
the Jedi secret
to immortality
You see, Yoda taught his ass
that technique right after Anakin became Palpatine's – a.k.a. Darth
Sidious's -- bitch
So what do these
old school Jedi do
with their gift of immortality?
Welp, they guide Luke's
semi-educated ass
through these wars
so he don't end up psychopathic
like his pappy
For as Jay and Silent Bob
had to remind his ass:
he never even fucking
finished Jedi school!!!
That's important
for a Jedi Master
to remember,
cuz Yoda could've whipped Luke's ass, when he was a good healthy five-fitty,
or prolly even when
he was straight up 50,
so the lesson simply is:
Never fuck
with the Maestro
But let me digress
The last thing we need
is Luke
tryin' to take
Yoda's ass on
It's bad enough that he's got a pappy that's a baby slasher
so let's cut the young Jedi
some slack
Luke's got some
emotional problems too,
so let us praise the Good Lord Thy Goddha!!! or The Force, that they ain't nearly as detrimental as his pappy's was
Luke's just kinda shot out
cuz he knows his pappy
is the Galactic Prick
known as Darth Vader
Also, he's never been laid,
and after he finds out
Leah's his sister
he's gonna have
some emotional problems
when he thinks back
on how he used to
fantasize about porkin' her ... yep
So let us cut the young Jedi some slack, alright
I'm almost sure
if we could convince
Han Solo into taking Luke to a
First-class galactic bordello,
he could release all his pent up sexual frustrations,
and thus let
The Force
flow smoothly through his blessed heart
Take care of that little problem
and The Dark Side
best look the fuck out!
You don't even know!
the cosmic glow
the power conveyed
when a Jedi get's laid!
You don't even
muthafuckin' know!!!
So go on now and tell
your brothers and sisters,
your mammy and pappy,
your friends and neighbors
that they gots to check out
Our Wars
Coming Soon
To A Hood Near You
©2024 Gentle S.C. Dragona All rights reserved.
Known since 2008 as Da Honky Wit Seven Names, Gentle Dragona is an American Poet, Lyricist, Mystic Stranger, and Bloody Dirty Dancing Dervish. He authored the underground collection of 69 poems in 1998 – IN DREAMS WE HIDE – published by Arkansas Writer’s Press; and the book CUSS! The Ancient and Transcendental Art of Hangin’ Out, in 2005, published by AuthorHouse.
Da Honky’s seven names are Eric Kristian Willey Gentle Shokya Candalla Dragona. He resides in his adopted town of Austin, Texas.
