I Think I’m Ready
When I die,
I shall go to
Heaven.
Unless I die
On a weekend.
In which case,
Just leave me
At the club
Until Monday.
Don’t wanna
Miss anything.
Always
There’s always
The possibility
Of what I say
Being misinterpreted
Or meaning being
Misunderstood,
Articulation and
Rancor being a
Regional and social
Underlying nuance.
It often becomes
A necessary
Inconvenience to
Have to follow-up
My rhetoric with
Physical action.
Whenceforth comes
The inability to
Clearly understand
The intended meaning
Of “Are you a natural
Moron, or did you take
Lessons.”
The Last Pussy
The last pussy I had
Came with a jealous
Boyfriend and his shotgun.
Fortunately, he showed up
After I’d left. I didn’t need
No confrontation. Snatch
Wasn’t all that good anyway.
I was just being a gentleman
Helping her over the blahs
Brought on by too much same.
Used to splash tequila on our
Dicks while whoring in Mexico.
I don’t know if it did any good.
I never caught nothin’ but my
Runnin’ buddy had to get the
Mallet smash to the penis to
Break up those painful pustules.
Good reason not to share women.
I have been thinking of changing
My ways and becoming a priest.
I have been wondering what the
Hell made me even consider that.
I know my processor is abnormal.
Head scan showed as much. I got
Those folds missing on the back
Of my brain. Slick like melon.
The docs thin it’s bizarre. Me?
I’m having another beer.
©2024 Daniel S. Irwin All rights reserved.
Daniel S. Irwin resides, for the time being, in the hills of Southern Illinois. Artist, actor (30+ stage plays, over 100 films), writer (work published world-wide), soldier (retired military), scholar (BA, MA, PhD), and holy man (ordained Dudeist priest 2007 – and damned proud of it). To date, seventeen books published (poetry and short stories), most recent book: Still Wanted in France. Latest work can be found on-line in Horror, Sleaze, Trash Magazine, The Beatnik Cowboy, The Rye Whiskey Review, Cajun Mutt Magazine. The asylum from which he escaped does not want him back…ever.