Tag: funeral

CMP Featured Writer: Joanna Grant

James D. Casey IV

Things I Googled After My Last Living Uncle Finally
Drank Himself to Death Just After Christmas

–Average regular funeral cost in this Year of Our Lord

–Cost of most basic cremation for people who can’t afford regular funeral

–Can I have my ashes scattered on Hank Williams, Senior’s grave

–Can I scatter them on Hank Williams’s grave legally

–If caught scattering my ashes on Hank Williams’s grave illegally what happens to

the person who scattered me hypothetically

–Penalty for stealing a corpse and setting it on fire outside Joshua Tree was

–Penalty for setting corpse on fire outside Joshua Tree is now

–Greatest hits (did you mean Gram not Graham Parsons—disambiguate)

–YouTube Flying Burrito Brothers videos (playlist approx. 1:43:36)

–How do you actually drink yourself to death and how long does it take (Mayo Clinic)

–YouTube: Best of Intervention Season 12 (playlist approx. 6:27)

–Alcoholism addiction causes (nature versus nurture current research)

–Addiction causes experts role of lack of connection complex childhood trauma

–Use of humor to deflect childhood trauma how bad is it really

–Alexa: how do I forget what I want to forget and remember what I need to remember

–No Alexa I said “remember” not “cucumber” not that kind of recipe

–Okay Siri then: to what extent am I my own person? How trapped am I in my past? How trapped am I in the things that happened sixty years ago, the night their mother slowly bled to death drunk on the floor, their father drunker next to her, her blood slowly rusting on his raw-knuckled hands? How to free myself of this mirage, this image concocted of vague description still clearer to my mind’s eye than anything I’ve ever actually seen in the flesh?

–Response: Your search did not match any documents please try different keywords/more keywords/fewer keywords/more general keywords/check your spelling/good luck/you are going to need it/Season’s Greetings and Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate/With the Warmest Wishes for the Happiest of New Years

©2024 Joanna Grant All rights reserved.

Sister Joanna

Joanna Grant is a Cajun mutt, as her father was born on the Gulf Coast near New Orleans and her mother came from Georgia. She currently lives and works outside of Doha, Qatar, where she teaches college extension classes to deployed American soldiers. Her most recent collection is Adrift from Alien Buddha Press.

Cajun Mutt Press Featured Writer 08/29/22

James D. Casey IV

Full Corpse

‘96 Honda Civic found wrecked
wheels up, spinning
like feet pointing to the sky.
The grill torn loose,
kiss-wrapped around a maple.

You were dead, but not dead.
The hospital told us breathing
was your only sacrament.
There is no god in this church.

You fooled nobody.
Your mind was an effigy of dirt.
Doused with liquor, set with a cigarette.
It only smoldered.

Another funeral now.
We are trying not to laugh
in this crowdful of tears.
And the trying not to laugh
making it all the harder not to.

Maybe you will rise
and try not to laugh with us.
Belly burst, shoulders bouncing.
Full corpse.

©2022 Matthew Hutchins All rights reserved.

Matthew Hutchins

Matthew is a poet from Central Kentucky whose works have appeared in The Russel Creek Review, Anxious Poets Society, Pegasus, Sheila-Na-Gig, and The Poetry Cove Magazine. He occasionally posts journal entries to his Instagram @thebluegrasspoet and is currently enjoying reading the poems of Derrick C. Brown, Maggie Smith, and Brendan Constantine. Matthew lives in Carbondale, Illinois with his wife Haley and their two cats, Mishka and Kimchi.

Cajun Mutt Press Featured Writer 05/19/21

James D. Casey IV

Last Will and Testament

Fuck a funeral!

Use the money you’d spend on mine

to celebrate the only proper way:

with drugs and alcohol.

You don’t even have to celebrate me,

just fuckin’ celebrate!

Or give the money to a good cause.

Just don’t give it to something boring,

like a church, please.

There’s enough reason in the world to be sad,

the inevitable shouldn’t be made worse by a

public display of platonic-necrophilia and tears.

No one should have to dress up and be miserable,

especially on my behalf.

I don’t wanna be buried,

cremate me!

Gimme to science!

Whatever!

I won’t give a fuck, I’ll be dead!

As my grandfather used to say,

“Shove a bone in my ass and have

the dogs drag me away.”

Well I got two assholes,

so I’ll need a shit ton of dogs.

Let graverobbers steal my body,

before it’s given over to the dirt,

like they did Lincoln’s,

and have a manhunt across the nation!

We’ll save them a step and a stop at

Home Depot for a shovel.

Don’t waste valuable land on wastes of space.

Build a hospital or a school.

Fuck it, I’d rather people frack or

build yuppie townhouses!

On a second thought,

I have one request,

please don’t fuck my corpse.

I don’t find it disrespectful,

just weird.

©2021 Joe Szalinski All rights reserved.

Joe Szalinski

Joe Szalinski is a writer & performer from Pittsburgh, PA. He attended Slippery Rock University for his undergrad in writing & literature. Since returning to his native Pittsburgh, he’s been busy performing comedy, acting, making music, and writing. His writing, both creative and academic, has appeared in Defenestration, The Howling Press, The Short Humour, PS It’s Poetry (an anthology), and RockScissorsPaper.