Cajun Mutt Press Featured Writer 07/26/23

THE AFTERLIFE BLUES

Anne Sexton, Sylvia Plath
and Alejandra Pizarnik
are sitting together
in a cafe called
the Afterlife Blues.

Pizarnik and Plath
drink black coffee
from white diner mugs.
Sexton just chain-smokes.

There’s nobody else
in the cafe except them
and a fat guy in a white apron,
who looks like Curly Howard
and occasionally appears
to offer refills
from the steaming pot
in his hand.

“I did it,” says Plath,
“with the oven in my kitchen.”

“I did it,” says Pizarnik,
“with a fistful of pills
in my bedroom.”

“I did it,” says Sexton,
“with the car in my garage.”

Plath sips her java.
“Didn’t you say
that yesterday?”

Pizarnik swirls
the dark liquid
in her mug.
“I can hear you
through your wolf mask,”

she says. “And you did.”

Sexton puffs on
her cigarette and scowls.
“Quit showing off,”
she says, exhaling.
“You don’t even know
what the fuck that means.”

Plath drums the sides
of her mug with her nails.
“Well, you did,” she says.

Sexton ashes on the floor
and licks her lips.
“Save it for someone
who gives a damn.”

Curly waddles in
through a swinging door,
brandishing his coffee pot.
“A little heat, ladies?”
he asks, brightly.

“No,” say all three
women in tandem.

“For the two-millionth time,”
adds Sexton, brushing
her brunette hair from her eyes
with a long, delicate finger.

“Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!”
laughs Curly, as
he heads back
to the kitchen.

©2023 Jack Phillips Lowe All rights reserved.

Jack Phillips Lowe

Jack Phillips Lowe is a resident of the Chicago area. His poems have appeared in Clutch 2023, Rye Whiskey Review and Poetry Super Highway. His most recent book, Flashbulb Danger (Middle Island Press, 2018), is available on Amazon. Lowe is currently working on a new poetry chapbook.

Cajun Mutt Press Featured Writer 04/17/23

PERCY’S POSTLUDE

Percy went out on Saturday night.
He dropped by his favorite pub.
There, he enjoyed a shot or two.
Then, he enjoyed a shot or two more.
He capped the visit with a shot or two.
And a few beers.

Percy repaired to a nearby hotel.
In a certain room, he paid a call
to Vera, his sweetheart—
the one his wife didn’t know about.
Percy fondled Vera’s breasts.
Vera slapped him. He pinched her ass.
Vera giggled and ran into the hall.
Percy eagerly followed her.

Still giggling, Vera climbed the stairs.
Again, Percy eagerly followed her.
He stumbled three steps from the top
and fell, hard, down the staircase.
Vera found Percy sprawled at the bottom,
with a smile on his face
and a bulge in his pants.

Percy wore those to his funeral.

YAY, GOD!

Father Michael Perez was full of fire.
Each weekend, he would shame parishioners
with long homilies on Original Sin.
Then, he’d send the collection plates
around a second time, to make them pay for
what he claimed was their innate depravity.
Father Perez said this was “God’s will.”

On Saturday mornings, Father Perez visited
each and every one of the catechism classes.
He would walk sternly up and down
the rows of desks, pausing to slap any kid
who dared to whisper, giggle or fidget.
Perez accused them of “disrespecting Jesus.”

Every week, Monday through Sunday,
Father Perez made the nuns get up
at 4AM to scrub the church’s windows
with vinegar and polish its pews with oil soap.
“A dirty chapel,” Perez declared,
“delights the Devil and disgraces the Lord.”
Then, he’d go back to bed and sleep until 8AM.

On a clear and sunny Sunday in July,
Father Perez celebrated Mass outdoors.
In the midst of another brimstony sermon,
a bolt of lightning shot down from the sky.
It struck Perez in the chest, killing him instantly.
The crowd was stunned. Nobody moved or spoke.
After several long seconds, the silence was broken
by a young boy who was sitting in the first row.
“Yay, God!” he cheered.

AN ANSWER

The doorbell rang. Rosanna answered it.
At the door was her brother, Aldo.
She and Aldo had argued furiously,
over the family business, ten years ago.
They hadn’t spoken since.
Rosanna recalled the last words
she had said to Aldo:
“You dickless, spineless chooch!
Deny it? You can’t even do that!
You’d need years to think of an answer!”
Then, she threw Aldo out.

Aldo stood there, carefully balancing
a ricotta pie on his fingertips.
Smiling, he smashed the pie in Rosanna’s face.
Without a word, Aldo turned,
walked back to his car, climbed in
and drove away.

©2023 Jack Phillips Lowe All rights reserved.

Jack Phillips Lowe

Jack Phillips Lowe is a resident of the Chicago area. His poems have appeared in Clutch 2023, Beatnik Cowboy and Poetry Super Highway. His most recent book, Flashbulb Danger (Middle Island Press, 2018), is available on Amazon. Lowe is currently working on a new chapbook. The ghost of Carl Sandburg, with whom Lowe communes nightly (after several shots of Bushmill’s), is trying to talk him out of it. Lowe ignores him and keeps drinking. I mean, writing.

Cajun Mutt Press Featured Writer 07/11/22

TRANSLATION

Three days after buying a 65-inch LED TV,
Logan returned to the Best Buy store
from which he had bought the set.
Logan was carrying his remote control
and his receipt.

Logan soon found the salesman
who had sold him the TV.
He handed the salesman
the receipt and the remote control.

“What seems to be the matter?”
asked the blue-clad college kid.

“A major defect,” replied Logan.
My TV is supposedly state-of-the-art.
“I’ve looked all over this remote;
nowhere do I see a Reality button.”

The salesman considered the remote.

“You know,” Logan explained,
“the button that exposes all
the wrinkles, warts and pimples
hidden by television wizardry.”

The salesman considered Logan.

“Take, for example, Gilligan’s Island,”
Logan said. “You push the Reality button
and you get what would actually happen.
The castaways kill and eat Gilligan,
thus eliminating a pest and having lunch.
Next, the Skipper, Mr. Howell and the Professor
take turns banging the ladies and then
spend the rest of the series figuring out
which child is whose.”

The salesman handed the remote to Logan.
He reached into a nearby desk drawer
and pulled out a piece of paper,
which he gave to Logan.
Printed on the paper, Logan saw,
were the word “SONY” and
one line of Japanese characters.

“Translation: ‘We’re working on it,’”
said the salesman.

©2022 Jack Phillips Lowe All rights reserved.

Jack Phillips Lowe

Jack Phillips Lowe was born and raised in Chicago. His poems have appeared in Beatnik Cowboy, Synchronized Chaos and Poetry Super Highway, among other outlets. His most recent book, Flashbulb Danger (Middle Island Press, 2018), is available through Amazon.com.