Cajun Mutt Press Featured Writer 02/01/23

Thriving in Darkness

…I must have been mistaken. The so-called “little pleasures” that I oh-so-very-much prided myself upon? They’re all lies. There are no little things, no simple pleasures of life. There is only the condition that houses your sole happiness and the myriad of things that seek to tear it apart. Everything else? Mere amusement, side attractions, and objects to pass time. Hinging oneself on such fleeting things can only spell doom.

I wonder, could this be my fault? Should I have stuck to my comfort zone even though it’s dark and cold
and lonely? I tried to climb up, to claw my way out, to reach towards that bit of sunshine and happiness.
Yet my fears and insecurities hold me back. Perhaps there was some merit to them. I should have
listened to the voices of doubt in my head and stopped myself in time.

All it took was one slip to come crashing back down. What else could possibly have happened?

Depression? Addictions? I’ve fallen much deeper into their cold embrace. You might think, “isn’t that
your old comfort zone?”. I wonder about that too. But falling from such heights, a soft landing is the last
thing one could expect, right?

It’s all so unfamiliar now. The cold, the loneliness, the darkness. They all feel so alien yet quite close. Could this be what I really am? Darkness. Could this be why the light itself repels me?

This is distressing. Is this why they say, no matter how radiant it gets, there’ll always be a shadow; there’ll always be darkness. Now I wonder, could the best way to make darkness disappear be by
blending into more darkness?