ALL-AMERICAN
PE7, PE9—phone prefixes ingrained—like don’t talk to no strangers and don’t take no apples on
Halloween
from anyone
razor blades are real
Ask Fred Flintstone
Ask Red Skelton
Ask John Wayne
Ask your ass!
Miss Sweet graded you eleven O’s, one S, and no U’s
You can be president one day too
Said she wished you could lead the class line always
Decades later you’re huffing glue
She never saw you
Nor Fred Flintstone
Nor Red Skelton
Ask John Wayne
Ask your ass!
Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape
Leave the gun, take the cannoli
We’re gonna need a bigger boat
Say hello to my little friend
Weren’t you the quarterback?
All-State, All-American?
Record holder extraordinaire?
Coach slapped your ass
Safety slapped your ass
Water boy, whose sister had two inches of your dick in the back of her throat, slapped your ass
Nerdy-AV filming-freshman-fag dreamed of slapping your ass
Yeah, man, what?
You must got shit made!
Quick, someone call 911, this brother is blue, this dude ain’t breathing . . .
©William Teets all rights reserved
William Teets is an author and poet born in Peekskill, New York, who has recently relocated to Waterford, Michigan. He immensely misses New York pizza, the Hudson River, and his beloved Mets. He will write. He will survive. Mr. Teets’ works have been published in the literary journals, Chronogram, The Deadly Writers Patrol, and Art and Life, as well as in numerous anthologies.